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Monday, February 4, 2013
The $8 Bill
A crook mistakenly made a counterfeit $8 bill instead of a $10 bill. He decided to try it out anyway.
He went to the teller at the local bank and asked for change.
The teller looked at the $8 bill and gave the crook two $4 bills as change.
He went to the teller at the local bank and asked for change.
The teller looked at the $8 bill and gave the crook two $4 bills as change.
Sunday, February 3, 2013
A Rabbit With Glasses
How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight?
Have YOU ever seen a rabbit with glasses?
Have YOU ever seen a rabbit with glasses?
We Need A Bird
Little girl: "Why does your son say, 'Cluck, cluck, cluck?'"
Mother: "Because he thinks he's a chicken."
Little girl: "Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken?"
Mother: "Because we need the eggs."
Mother: "Because he thinks he's a chicken."
Little girl: "Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken?"
Mother: "Because we need the eggs."
Saturday, February 2, 2013
Friday, February 1, 2013
49er's
Why did the 49ers hire two nuns and a prostitute?
They wanted two tight ends and a wide receiver.
They wanted two tight ends and a wide receiver.
Fishing On Ice
Two men have been sitting out on a lake all day long, ice fishing. One
has been having no luck at all and the other has been pulling fish
after fish out of his hole in the ice. The man having no luck finally
leans over and asks the other what his secrect is.
"mmmmm mmm mm mmm mmmm mmm mmm."
"I'm sorry, what did you say?"
"mmmmm mmm mm mmm mmmm mmm mmm."
"I'm sorry, I still didn't understand you." The successful man spits something into his hand.
"You've got to keep your worms warm."
"mmmmm mmm mm mmm mmmm mmm mmm."
"I'm sorry, what did you say?"
"mmmmm mmm mm mmm mmmm mmm mmm."
"I'm sorry, I still didn't understand you." The successful man spits something into his hand.
"You've got to keep your worms warm."
Chiken Cross The Basketball Court
Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?
He heard the ref was blowing fowls.
He heard the ref was blowing fowls.
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Why Did The Chiken Cross The Road
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To prove to the possum it could actually be done!
To prove to the possum it could actually be done!
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Why did the one-handed man cross the road?
Why did the one-handed man cross the road?
To get to the second hand shop.
Saturday, January 26, 2013
Thursday, January 24, 2013
The Blind Dog Guide
A visitor was standing on a street corner waiting for a bus when he
notices a blind man and his guide dog. The dog leads the man into the street,
where he is brushed by an oncoming car. The man is knocked down, and he rather
gingerly gets back up. He calls the guide dog over, reaches into his pocket,
pulls out a canine treat, and gives it to the dog.
The visitor, upon seeing all this, walks over to the blind man and says, "That's amazing! Your guide dog led you into a busy street where you were nearly run over by a car, and yet you're giving the dog a treat. You must really love that dog."
The blind man turned to me and said, "No, I'm going to thoroughly kick that dog's butt. I'm just using the dog biscuit to determine which end is which."
The visitor, upon seeing all this, walks over to the blind man and says, "That's amazing! Your guide dog led you into a busy street where you were nearly run over by a car, and yet you're giving the dog a treat. You must really love that dog."
The blind man turned to me and said, "No, I'm going to thoroughly kick that dog's butt. I'm just using the dog biscuit to determine which end is which."
The Telephone Incident
Jennifer sprang to answer the
telephone.
"Darling, How are you? This is Mummy."
"Oh Mummy," Jennifer said crying, "I'm having a bad day. The baby won't eat and the washing machine won't work. I've sprained my ankle and I'm hobbling around. On top of all this, the house is a mess and I'm supposed to have the Andersons and the Nicholsons for dinner tonight. I haven't even had a chance to go shopping."
The voice on the other end said in sympathy, "Darling, let Mummy handle it. Sit down, relax and close your eyes. I'll be over in half an hour. I'll do your shopping, tidy up the house and cook your dinner. I'll feed the baby and I'll call an engineer I know who'll fix your washing machine. Now stop crying. I'll even call your husband Wayne at the office and tell him he should come home to help out for once."
"Wayne?" said Jennifer. "Who's Wayne?"
"Why, Wayne's your husband....Is this 0208 123 3749?"
"No, this is 0208 123 3747."
"Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I dialled the wrong number."
There was a short pause, then Jennifer said, "Does this mean you're not coming over?"
"Darling, How are you? This is Mummy."
"Oh Mummy," Jennifer said crying, "I'm having a bad day. The baby won't eat and the washing machine won't work. I've sprained my ankle and I'm hobbling around. On top of all this, the house is a mess and I'm supposed to have the Andersons and the Nicholsons for dinner tonight. I haven't even had a chance to go shopping."
The voice on the other end said in sympathy, "Darling, let Mummy handle it. Sit down, relax and close your eyes. I'll be over in half an hour. I'll do your shopping, tidy up the house and cook your dinner. I'll feed the baby and I'll call an engineer I know who'll fix your washing machine. Now stop crying. I'll even call your husband Wayne at the office and tell him he should come home to help out for once."
"Wayne?" said Jennifer. "Who's Wayne?"
"Why, Wayne's your husband....Is this 0208 123 3749?"
"No, this is 0208 123 3747."
"Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I dialled the wrong number."
There was a short pause, then Jennifer said, "Does this mean you're not coming over?"
The Secret to Hunting Bears
Two men went bear hunting. While one
stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear.
He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it. The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could.
He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him with every step.
Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat. Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin.
The man jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside, "You skin this one while I go and get another one!"
He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it. The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could.
He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him with every step.
Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat. Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin.
The man jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside, "You skin this one while I go and get another one!"
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