Monday, February 4, 2013

Cash Who

Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Cash who?
No thanks, but I’d like some peanuts!

The $8 Bill

A crook mistakenly made a counterfeit $8 bill instead of a $10 bill. He decided to try it out anyway.

He went to the teller at the local bank and asked for change.

The teller looked at the $8 bill and gave the crook two $4 bills as change.

Sunday, February 3, 2013

A Rabbit With Glasses

How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight?
Have YOU ever seen a rabbit with glasses?

We Need A Bird

Little girl: "Why does your son say, 'Cluck, cluck, cluck?'"
Mother: "Because he thinks he's a chicken."
Little girl: "Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken?"
Mother: "Because we need the eggs."

What Did The Computer Say

What did one computer say to the other?

Saturday, February 2, 2013

How Are You

Knock, Knock!
Who's there?
Hawaii who?
I'm fine. Hawaii you?

Cows Say What

Knock, Knock!
Who's there?
Cows go.
Cows go who?
No, cows go moo!

Says Who

Knock, Knock!
Who's there?
Says who?
Says me, that's who?

Friday, February 1, 2013


Why did the 49ers hire two nuns and a prostitute?
 They wanted two tight ends and a wide receiver.

Fishing On Ice

Two men have been sitting out on a lake all day long, ice fishing. One has been having no luck at all and the other has been pulling fish after fish out of his hole in the ice. The man having no luck finally leans over and asks the other what his secrect is.
"mmmmm mmm mm mmm mmmm mmm mmm."
"I'm sorry, what did you say?"
"mmmmm mmm mm mmm mmmm mmm mmm."
"I'm sorry, I still didn't understand you." The successful man spits something into his hand.
"You've got to keep your worms warm."

Chiken Cross The Basketball Court

Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?
He heard the ref was blowing fowls.

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Let Me In

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Dozen who?
Dozen anybody want to let me in?

Why Did The Chiken Cross The Road

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To prove to the possum it could actually be done!

Merry Christmas

Who’s there?
Merry who?
Merry Christmas!

Sunday, January 27, 2013

None Of Your Business

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Nana who?
Nana your business.

Why did the one-handed man cross the road?

Why did the one-handed man cross the road?
 To get to the second hand shop.

Just In Time

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Justin who?
Justin time for dinner.

Thursday, January 24, 2013

The Blind Dog Guide

A visitor was standing on a street corner waiting for a bus when he notices a blind man and his guide dog. The dog leads the man into the street, where he is brushed by an oncoming car. The man is knocked down, and he rather gingerly gets back up. He calls the guide dog over, reaches into his pocket, pulls out a canine treat, and gives it to the dog.

The visitor, upon seeing all this, walks over to the blind man and says, "That's amazing! Your guide dog led you into a busy street where you were nearly run over by a car, and yet you're giving the dog a treat. You must really love that dog."

The blind man turned to me and said, "No, I'm going to thoroughly kick that dog's butt. I'm just using the dog biscuit to determine which end is which."

The Telephone Incident

Jennifer sprang to answer the telephone.

"Darling, How are you? This is Mummy."

"Oh Mummy," Jennifer said crying, "I'm having a bad day. The baby won't eat and the washing machine won't work. I've sprained my ankle and I'm hobbling around. On top of all this, the house is a mess and I'm supposed to have the Andersons and the Nicholsons for dinner tonight. I haven't even had a chance to go shopping."

The voice on the other end said in sympathy, "Darling, let Mummy handle it. Sit down, relax and close your eyes. I'll be over in half an hour. I'll do your shopping, tidy up the house and cook your dinner. I'll feed the baby and I'll call an engineer I know who'll fix your washing machine. Now stop crying. I'll even call your husband Wayne at the office and tell him he should come home to help out for once."

"Wayne?" said Jennifer. "Who's Wayne?"

"Why, Wayne's your husband....Is this 0208 123 3749?"

"No, this is 0208 123 3747."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I dialled the wrong number."

There was a short pause, then Jennifer said, "Does this mean you're not coming over?"

The Secret to Hunting Bears

Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear.

He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it. The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could.

He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him with every step.

Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat. Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin.

The man jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside, "You skin
this one while I go and get another one!"